Leonardo Lost

All week, I have repeated the same things over and over, each time someone has asked me how I am holding up since having learned that we've lost Leonardo. I've said, "This has been a hard week. It's tough. It's not easy. It's almost impossible to even say anything at all."

He took his own life, and he did this just this week. I know I'll have to come to accept on some level it was his choice to do so. But, nobody ought to expect that I or anyone who loved him will reach such heights of understanding and compassion anytime soon.

The suddenness of this is still one of my most preoccupying thoughts. I can barely believe it and thoroughly want someone to put a stop to this, as if this were some sort of cruel joke. But, it's not going to stop. He is gone, and so many lives are forever changed.

And so I keep asking myself, what does this mean? What does it mean that he has had his last dance? And of course, why, why, why?